damn... i need endorphins...

for those who don't know endorphin is a chemical released by the body everytime you excercise or everytime you get a deep physical wound i think...i'm right but it worcks as a pain killer... it's supposed to make you all giddy and full of happiness... haengbok... i need that... i desperately need that now... sadly there is no way i could excercise because of what i'm feeling and as for the wounds... i've been clean since my addiction i don't wanna go back to being cutter dependent everytime i hit a road bump...

the reason for the sudden depression? i'm going to lb in saturday. even though i'll be back in manila every weekends... i'll miss a lot of stuff.. i'll miss people... i'll miss eijii and rin-chan... the latenight phone conversations and instant messages. the gatungan and kilig... everything... what makes me think of all this now aside from the fact that saturday is just around the corner is eijii's ym stat message earlier...

it made me cry... it made me cry damn hard. and everytime i remember it tears start to well in my eyes... and hearing the trax's song 'sad wedding story' isn't helping me to prevent tears...

"i don't wanna cry, crying makes me scared, i don't wanna be scared... being scare makes me wanna cry...~"

no matter how much i don't wanna cry i can't help myself.. i'm scared of changes. scared of not knowing what tomorrow might bring... i'm scared of giving up a life in which i'm already contented and happy. i'm scared of exchanging what i have now with something i'm not sure of. i'm scared yeah... and the fact that my friends is a "LONG-DISTANCE" phone call away is not actually helping me in embracing tomorrows unavoidable surprises...

*~ciao for now

niXXie

se7en loves me and i <3 him